Today is my oldest son’s first day of school. He is thrilled to go, it has been something he has looked forward to for the last year, and he was happily exploring his classroom on Monday evening. He was polite when he met his teacher, and he already made a few friends. Seeing him light up made me so happy for his new chapter, one where I am certain he will be challenged and where he will find friendships too.

I reflect on our nearly 5 year old and can’t fathom where the time went. He was just crawling and walking, then becoming a big brother, and learning how to feed himself. In a moment it seems he became this young boy who has a huge imagination, talks non-stop, and always tries to be a helper with his little siblings. He is sweet and caring, while being driven and stubborn too. I wonder if I have hugged him enough lately. If I tell him enough “I’m proud of you”s. These days I feel like I am constantly telling him to mind his volume and to keep his hands off his brother.

People ask if I am ready for him to start school. I really am. I can see how much this means to him and it fills my heart with happiness. I am just a little sad my baby is so grown up now, but it makes me proud too. Raising him is the hardest job we have had.

I hugged him extra yesterday and asked him if I could still hug him when he is in school. He laughed and said “mommy, you can hug me forever”. That made me tear up.

I am not upset he gets to start this new journey because it is good for him and it will grow him. I can’t wait to hear all about his days. I also realize how fast these years fly by and I hope to saver them all. I hope he never forgets he will always be my baby boy. But most of all, I hope he loves his new school and friends and looks forward to going every day. The world is a big place and sharing him is hard, but he is ready.

I, on the other hand, am not. After we walked him to his teacher today, 20 more new questions popped into my head… but we raised a bright kid, so I am trying to remind myself that he will figure it all out. He has a wonderful teacher who will help answer any of his questions and give him directions to follow. Now we just anxiously wait for him to come home.